Human relations are based on agreements and commitments (and many other things). Marked by who?: the couple itself, society, the law, religion, family and whatever institution you are expected to follow and is accepted by you of course. If you both are not capable to, in first place, be clear on what you are going to commit and secondly if you are not able to stick on that commitment, then why would you accept to carry on with a formal relationship?
Loyalty is one of those almost never discussed but expected points in a relation, and it’s a sensitive aspect of it.
One thing we all know and just say but barely practice is to put ourselves in the skin of the neighbour. Not give to others what we don’t want to receive from them. It is simple and doesn’t need a lot of digging on it to understand it. Do not cheat, if you don’t like or you don’t want to be cheated on.
Going beyond: in a marriage you are both expected to respect, to be loyal, to provide, to protect, to care; to satisfy spiritual, emotional, psychological and no less important sexual needs of your couple. If you feel unable to do your best to fulfill all this, then don’t get married. If you feel you will intentionally fail any of these, then do not get married.
And yes you will say, if there is love well there must be forgiveness. See this I read once and I totally agree with, my friend: “The problem with forgiveness is that every time someone has to forgive you, you learn to appreciate him/her more, but you break something inside of that person; so is the case that with time you will end up in love and devote to that person but, at this point, she/he will no longer love you the same”. Word more, word less, but you get the point.
You see, if someone has to be constantly forgiving your infidelities, then you are not making mistakes, you are intentionally and barefaced failing and stepping on that person’s feelings; which is to say crushing your own commitments because you don’t really care. Then you are unfaithful and worse yet, you are disloyal. It has been said that what makes you a bad person, it is not that you act wrong, anyone can fail! What makes you a bad human been is to do wrong without feeling any guilt, in a way that you don’t care about repeating your actions. So why to continue beside a person who acts wrong without regret and with no intention to correct this aspect?
Experience shows that the best way of dealing with the a cheater, is not to deal with him at all anymore; it’s better to cut that away from your life. But as humans we will always find a reason to stick on our relations despite of the damage. Situations might be different from one case to another, but in the end selfishness is the mother of every infidelity. A person who cares only about himself, should better remain alone doing whatever, than damaging other people’s life. That’s the right thing to do. You don’t commit to anything, so you don’t lie. Do as you like, but be clear with everyone since the first moment; and avoid yourself playing the “forgive-me-I-made-a-mistake ” card over and over. Its XXI Century: stay single or find someone who is open-minded enough to be up to the same things that you want! At least be consistent with yourself and to what you believe on, despite of if it’s socially accepted or not!