For real. I did! Or I guess that’s what many patients think. Sometimes even I get confused of which my Alma Mater was.
This is another end-of-the-duty story, during my first years post grafuation; when my patience was not even near to grow up. As usual, everything starts with ”The Patient”. A 46 years old woman, with the mark of the pillow case in her face, still smelling like if she just jumped out from bed at that moment. I was thinking thanks God there are some toothpaste drops in the blouse, so I will be able to examine her from a regular distance, without fearing to die suffocated by the natural, and not for this fact nicer, smell of a mouth that recently woke up. Did I already mention that it was 5 minutes to 4:00pm?
So the thing is she was so kind and lovely apologizing:
_”I am sorry to come this late but I was very busy”. Beep!! First lie, and I’m not saying it, the swelling of her eyelids was.
-” It is ok, but you know we can help you only if it is an emergency, as all departments are closed now”.
-“But it’s a fast thing, I just need my pills for my blood pressure because I don’t have any, and is weekend, and I’m afraid it will finish because I don’t know what time I will be able to come on Monday.”
Beep!! Second. You don’t have, or it will be finish? -“Do you feel anything?, I see your vital signs are Ok”.
-“No, I’m good, just wanting my prescription”.
-“Did you take your pills today?”
-“So you really don’t have any…?”- She didn’t resist my inquisitive-blaming look.
-“Well I have 5, but…”
-” How many times per day do you take medication?”
-“Only one”- What?!!
-“Well is only 2 days till Monday, I don’t see your emergency here!…”
-“Well Doc, I’m gonna travel and I need them”- Beep!!! Really woman!!! Organize your ideas so you can lie better! First you don’t know what time you will be able to come, now you are not gonna be at home! Come on!
-“Look, the Center is closing, even …”
-“But I need them, because my son…”- Not being capable to accept another invention I said – “Well, tell me rapidly what pills are you taking because you have no file here.”
-“Well I told you Doc, the pills for my BP”
-“Name dear, we have many!”
-“Ok, it is small, rounded and white…”-
Seriously??!!!! Now I couldn’t stop myself, a nurse came to tell me we closed, and she found me not being able to breathe, because of the laughing!
-“Honey tell me more, how many milligrams at least, it has a number on it, or anything?
” Ah!I don’t know.”- By now she was nervously smiling too- ”As I said, small, rounded, white, oh! ,and it has a line in the middle!”- She said this last data with a visible emotion, like if it was a big contribution!
Please help me my dear Hippocrates! So from the thousand pills that fit that description, she was wanting me to guess which one she takes! No, for real, I took my cup of tea, a crystal clear bowl-shaped one, put it in reverse on the table, I did wear my scarf like a veil and said.. ”Oh! my great spirit of the cup, show me, show me what her treatment is!
She was not laughing anymore, but my nurse almost pee in her pants!
Of course I had a complaint next week on the director’s desk. And I was also called to a meeting, ready to receive any kind of reprimand. I found all the staff there, and before I could pronounce any word on my defence the manager says: – “We are here because we have all the same concern”. He opens the box placed on the center of the table; and there’s nothing more and nothing less than, a rounded-crystal candy jar! So he says: “- Well Doc, do your magic, tell us the lottery number for today! “
Yes I did accept and signed the complaint, because I crossed the line with my sarcasm, and that is far from what I did swear during graduation day. But we started the duty like 10 minutes late that day, after we all recovered from laughing.